Kids who refuse to eat dinner - and how to win! (sort of) - well.. at least call it a draw.
Meals are horrible. I hate Dinner. I hate Breakfast and Lunch and Dinner especially. With three kids, dinner is absolutely painful. My oldest child… when she wants to eat, she literally screams "I'M HUNGRY!!!" and demands dinner immediately. It's like 0-60 in 3.2 seconds. We get home from school and she has a snack but apparently when 4:59 comes, she wants dinner. The middle one just refuses to eat anything that doesn't have the word "dog" in it. Third one, well… she just pushes the chair up the counter or the pantry and gets her snacks herself. For simplicity sense, we will call them Girl A, B and C.
A eats anything. anytime. in large portions. Except vegetables. She will make gagging noises and pretend that my food is so bad that she will vomit all over the table. I guess I shouldn't say she eats anything. She eats MOST things. Every once in a while she yells OH NO!!! when the food is placed in front of her. Everyone comments on how much she eats and how she is just great because she eats salads and finishes everything. Yep… that's at restaurants or at school or at other people's houses. She does awesome. At home, not so much. If it has noodles and cheese over it melted with butter, she will devour it. Chicken nuggets, sure. At first she says she doesn't want it and makes odd noises, but then I say, okay… that's fine, time for bed and then she snaps out of it and starts eating. How about real chicken? Well.. not really. But she will consider it but not guaranteed that she won't gag. It's a crap-shoot on whether or not she will eat but I don't worry about her dietary habits. Usually we are okay with her. I can get her to eat most things, except for the peas, carrots, some green beans. She claims she has eaten mashed potatoes before, but I don't' believe it. She will however eat smoked salmon with cream cheese and capers, sushi, and shrimp by the pound!!!
B - Well. Here is my problem. she eats nothing. Her picture is at the top of this page. Gleaming over her plate. Falling off her chair. Laying on the floor. These are her demands at dinner time.
- salami, hot dogs, chicken nuggets
- cannot be real chicken. if you have cooked it at home, she will know that it's not a proper nugget
- nothing with melted cheese on it
- nothing that has touched melted cheese
- she will eat Colby Jack cheese in chunks- but not cheddar or white cheese. Must be swirled. And not cooked or melted
- She will eat pizza - but the cheese needs to be removed. By you. Before she sees it. God help her when she gets to school.
- peppers and hummus (OKAY THIS IS GREAT!!!!!_
- hashbrowns (this is new - husband made them, she ate. I was astonished)
- Fried Egg Yolk (the yolks only - no white). That's very odd.
- Yogurt (if it looks like a dessert - recently the unhealthy TRIX yogurt comes to mind). Sometimes my husband can trick her and get her to eat Greek Yogurt with some granola
- Corn on the Cob
- Noodles with Pasta sauce with no chunks or green flecks, or onions
- Green Beans (so she says)
- Pancakes or Waffles with butter all over it. Preferably with chocolate chips in them
- Eggo mini waffles or mini pancakes (yeah!!!!)
- Trader Joe Pancake Ball things
- Butter (she will eat the stick)
- Guacamole
- Make your own tacos (which means no meat, beans - but she will have sour cream, black olives, guacamole, some salsa)
- The Orange Rice from Jose's here in our hood
- Bacon
- Goldfish crackers and chips
- Snacks of any kind
- Bars (like a power bar or some sort of sweet fun bar that you buy at the store)
- Slim Jims (gross) - I want to disclose I did NOT give her her first Slim Jim. Yuck.
- Most fruit by the pound
- Cookies
- Cakes
- Ice Cream
- Dessert of any kind
- She will move mountains in order to have dessert (and dessert in our house is like Apple Sauce - but if I call it dessert - she responds)
C - eats anything. She is almost 2. We have no issues. It's wonderful. She's the third child.
See… the whole food problem I like to think is not my fault. All kids are like this, right? All kids are this picky??? Do other families get in huge arguments at dinner? I can't even tell you how many times someone has gone away from the dinner table screaming. Sometimes… it's me. Not gonna lie. Girl B grew up with major food issues. She was allergic to soy, dairy and corn for the first 3 years for her life. She had never had a Cheerios. For her second birthday, we couldn't have cake. She had natural applesauce with a "2" candle in it. Sad and pathetic. She would get so sick after a relapse that she would have blowouts about 10 times a day. Poor kid. We finally took her to a holistic doctor after our Childrens GI doc wanted to cut her open and do an exploratory surgery. Bottom line is she gave her some sort of spray and it cured her but every since then, she is obsessed with sweets (possibly since we gave her Vanilla Rice Milk as her milk after she went off hypoallergenic formula and when we cut her off of that, she needed sweets immediately - thus her love for anything sweet) and is just a horribly picky eater. Perhaps she was attacked by melted cheese when she was younger but her reaction to these foods is insane. Poor girl. Poor anyone who gets in the way of this rage. (Disclosure: Child B is the sweetest thing you can possibly imagine and I love her with all my heart- her personality might be exaggerated for this article to make a point about food - but she still has her moments!!!)
Back to my point of this post. Dinners became unbearable. My husband and I last year went to a "Love and Logic" seminar and they talked about dinners, They talked about mealtime and how you just need to NOT BE A SHORT ORDER COOK and if you don't like what is on the plate then the parent says "uh oh, I'm sorry, well dinner is over I hope you like what is for breakfast!!." Sounds very good and all, however when you kid is screaming and not eating and everyone is yelling, it becomes hard. We did implement the "if you don't' like, then I'm sorry the kitchen is closed" way of life. You just need to make sure you make something that you are pretty sure is a) healthy b) they have a chance in Hell of liking. Seems to be doing better on that front. But what was hard, was the waiting. The MAKING THE CHILD FINISH THE DINNER. Well we don't make them finish, but if I went to the trouble of making this dinner (and I take into consideration their pickiness and the foods that they like when I make them) then you need to show me the respect and eat something. I refuse to throw out another entire meal. You don't need to eat it all. Usually it's "three bites to be polite". That works. Sometimes Girl A says "can I take 7 because I'm 7?". Sure… go ahead.
We needed to make other changes once we were at a stand off when it came to the end of the dinner. One kid was finished, the other was not eating anything. Someone told me about this timer. They used it for computer time, dinner time, play time, and just about any other time. It works great!
We implemented it a few weeks ago and man… it really is great. Kid A told me that she has one on her wall at school. It's a visual showing of how much time we have left. When Kid B refuses to eat, I know she will respond to the timer. She knows that once this timer goes off, her plate will go away and we will be done with dinner. The first time we used it, I set the timer for 25 minutes…. she sat like that picture above staring at her food and we waited. No one in the family can get up. We stay and show respect. Now Kid A had wanted a special dessert that night and I said okay. I told B that if she "finished" her meal (meaning took 4 big bites of each food) she would be able to be done and could partake in our dessert fest. Our pediatrician says they won't starve. A 4 year old who has 4 large bites of each food on the plate will be fine. First night - she didn't eat. Crying. Screaming. Was eventually taken upstairs throwing herself around the room. The second night… she started to eat. But the key is NO REACTION FROM THE PARENTS. You tell them once and then again and then that's it. I can't tell you how many times myself or my husband would yell "KEEP EATING!!!!!!!!". It was so stressful. Slowly the stress is going away. She still is not eating tons. The problem with her pickiness is not going away but at least we have a system. By the way, I had to let go personally about the fact that I feel bad that no one likes my food or that I'm wasting food by throwing it away - we save as much as we can but there are only so many days of leftovers I can handle.
So far: I am no longer a short order cook and I no longer yell at dinner. Usually about 5-10 min into dinner, we set the timer for 20 minutes. That is plenty of time. We are not slow eaters by any means so I didn't think I would need more. Some families need 45. I don't have that kind of patience considering Baby C is probably climbing out of her highchair at about 15 minutes.
Here is a picture of the
Time Timer. We have the one with the handle. I love it. It is very sturdy and has a protected face on the front. Kid proof. It stays by the computer too which helps me with having them take turns on the keyboard.
If you are looking for a time management solution, this might be your solution!!! Kids think it's fun and it's mom friendly. There even seems to be an iPhone app!!!!! Give it a try! Or come over to my house and witness "the dinner" but don't try and get up during the middle of your meal or your food will walk away from the table!! (another wonderful tip!!)
By the way, if you have any tricks that you use (such as the plate walking away or the timer) please feel free to share them with me. I struggle every day!!!!!
Happy Baby Thoughts :)
R