Mama on Wheels - Traveling with Kids

I hate traveling. I really do. It's not a "vacation" for mama. It's torture. The trip there is totally stressful for me and I find that if I'm lucky enough to have someone (an adult) come with me, I make them want to jump out of the van.

I'm supposed to be packing for a Memorial Day trip to my in-laws - I've done this for the past two hours and I'm so annoyed, I just needed a break. I don't have enough time to update this blog (or really enough energy) so I thought it would be a good time to take a break.

My kid are now 7, 5 and 2. Mostly they do pretty well in the car, but I need an arsenal of books, toys, gadgets in the car in order to keep myself from wanting to jump out of the car myself.

Here is a list of things that I'm attempting to pack for them. 99.95% of these are for the older two girls because frankly, the little one just throws whatever I give her on the floor. Mind you... usually I'm traveling alone with my kids but this time, my partner in crime is coming with us so yes, I will actually have another set of hands! Most of the time I'm reaching back from the drivers seat to give my daughter stuff (snacks, water, juice, toys, stuffed animals, and whatever else she has decided to throw at me). It's very frustrating and I'm lucky if I have not gotten in an accident yet.

List O' Crap:

• LeapPads (a must since we don't have iPads for the kids like most normal people I know)
• HEADPHONES!!!!!
• Sticky Mosaic things
• Stickers & Stickerbooks
• Magnetic Play sets
• Water bottle
• Colored Pencils
• Sketchbook
• Flashcards
• Workbooks for school
• Word Searches
• Pen stampers
• BOOGIE BOARD

• WORD WHIZ & MATH WHIZ



• Travel Rainbow Loom (NEW ITEM!!)
• MP3 player 
• Pipecleaners.  Make into jewelry, animals, springs, braid, etc.
• Snacks 
• Boxes of raisins, string cheese, crackers, grapes, apple slices, juice boxes,
• Nuts, M&Ms, dried fruit, granola, goldfish crackers, pretzels, gummy fruit snacks, etc.  
• Marshmallows and Pretzels - good to squish together
• Pepperoni. Seriously, they love it
• Energy bars for mom, maybe a Diet Coke or two!!! I need to have something to eat every 7 minutes or so, need to stay awake!!!
• Random things:
• ziploc bags
• baby wipes
• garbage bags
• paper towel
• first aid kit (one time i let them open everything. kept them busy!!!)
• spill proof cups
• water bottles for the older ones
• cups for putting snacks in!!! easy to pass back

This is what I have so far. Not much I know. I try to avoid anything that can fall on the floor or that has tiny pieces. I know people who actually wrap things up and give them to their kids for good behavior on the way to the destination. I tried that one time but it just caused a fight on what was considered good behavior. I wasted all this time wrapping and I just ended up unwrapping myself and throwing them back there. Good thing I have a good football arm to make it to the back row of the minivan.

Here are some things that I picked up at the local store. Hopefully they will work! There are some things that I have had in my stash and other things are new.

I have made the strategic decision to give up some trunk space and put the middle child in the FAR BACK with the older one. This could make or break the trip. She is 5 and sometimes can blow at any minute. The 7yo is pretty good and is in a high back booster so she can reach things and pick things up. I don't mind that she is in the far back but the 5yo is still in a 5pt harness so she is left to the mercy of the people around her. I pray they get along. I got the MEMORY game so they can play together. I have heard good things but we will see. 

I am a big fan of doing "schoolwork" on vacation. I like to throw in some sort of educational item such as flash cards, workbook, a journal to write down your activities for the older one. Usually it works. We will see. I found a few things for her this year such as a the HOT DOTS pen and some work books and flash cards. I hope she likes it. I then had to get the younger one as well since they will be sitting next to each other. It might keep them busy for about 5 minutes but its 5 minutes that I will gladly take!!!!

As for how we keep everything, I have bins back there. Each one gets their own crate and I pile in the stuff they would like. The older kids have these trays from One Step Ahead: 

They work pretty well. They have a strap to go around their back and it doesn't cause too much screaming... that is until they want them off and they want them off now. 

I'm always asking other mamas what they use for travel. Over the years you figure out what works and what doesn't. I'm constantly changing my stash of stuff. The key is that I don't let them use this stuff when we are at home so they don't really remember they have it all. It stays in a travel bin in the basement. When I bring it out, they are like "wow, hey great stuff mom, thanks!!!"

As for the two year old, I have no frigging clue what I'm going to do. I guess I could give her some post it notes or other things. Stuffed animals, toy phones... really ANYTHING i could find in the house. I picked this up today however after reading the reviews JUST NOW I am not sure I'm going to open it. It looks horrible. It got an average of 3 stars in 84 reviews. People said they would give it zero stars if they could. Wonderful. Well... we will see how desperate I get. 

CRAYOLA MY FIRST DOODLE BOARD

I'm a really big fan of color wonder.... however, she would use those markers as bottle rockets into the front seat. Not gonna play that game. I also have a similar board that takes a water pen, if only I can find it. 

IF YOU READ THIS, please comment on what are your favorite things to take with you on trips for kids with similar ages. Would love to hear from you!!!!

Happy save travels.

:)R

Car Seat Safety - What you need to know

As I'm working on updating my own blog on Car Seat Recommendations, I came across this article by Revolutionary Parenting.com. It's a good article about reminding us to stop and pay attention to how we buckle our kids into the car seat. This is scary and can happen to anyone. I worry about my oldest in the back who is still in a 5pt harness at 7yo that she is tight enough and her straps are up high enough. I don't check every time. I will now.

CAR SEAT SAFETY BY EVOLUTIONARY PARENTING
http://evolutionaryparenting.com/guest-post-car-seat-safety-guide/

Some advice from yourself

Never a truer letter was ever written. Here is a cross post of "One Mom Wrote A Letter To Her Pregnant, Childless Self". I almost peed my pants. But then again, if I jump or sneeze, that usually happens anyways thanks to my wonderful kiddos and way too much pushing.

http://thebertshow.com/one-mom-wrote-letter-pregnant-childless-self/

Above article : Mom Kelly Steele and blogger from In the Mom Light sat down to write a letter to her former childless pregnant self on Scary Mommy.

Kids who refuse to eat dinner - and how to win! (sort of)

Kids who refuse to eat dinner - and how to win! (sort of) - well.. at least call it a draw.

Meals are horrible. I hate Dinner. I hate Breakfast and Lunch and Dinner especially. With three kids, dinner is absolutely painful. My oldest child… when she wants to eat, she literally screams "I'M HUNGRY!!!" and demands dinner immediately. It's like 0-60 in 3.2 seconds. We get home from school and she has a snack but apparently when 4:59 comes, she wants dinner. The middle one just refuses to eat anything that doesn't have the word "dog" in it. Third one, well… she just pushes the chair up the counter or the pantry and gets her snacks herself. For simplicity sense, we will call them Girl A, B and C.

A eats anything. anytime. in large portions. Except vegetables. She will make gagging noises and pretend that my food is so bad that she will vomit all over the table. I guess I shouldn't say she eats anything. She eats MOST things. Every once in a while she yells OH NO!!! when the food is placed in front of her. Everyone comments on how much she eats and how she is just great because she eats salads and finishes everything. Yep… that's at restaurants or at school or at other people's houses. She does awesome. At home, not so much. If it has noodles and cheese over it melted with butter, she will devour it. Chicken nuggets, sure. At first she says she doesn't want it and makes odd noises, but then I say, okay… that's fine, time for bed and then she snaps out of it and starts eating. How about real chicken? Well.. not really. But she will consider it but not guaranteed that she won't gag. It's a crap-shoot on whether or not she will eat but I don't worry about her dietary habits. Usually we are okay with her. I can get her to eat most things, except for the peas, carrots, some green beans. She claims she has eaten mashed potatoes before, but I don't' believe it. She will however eat smoked salmon with cream cheese and capers, sushi, and shrimp by the pound!!!

B - Well. Here is my problem. she eats nothing. Her picture is at the top of this page. Gleaming over her plate. Falling off her chair. Laying on the floor. These are her demands at dinner time.

• salami, hot dogs, chicken nuggets
• cannot be real chicken. if you have cooked it at home, she will know that it's not a proper nugget
• nothing with melted cheese on it
• nothing that has touched melted cheese
• she will eat Colby Jack cheese in chunks- but not cheddar or white cheese. Must be swirled. And not cooked or melted
• She will eat pizza - but the cheese needs to be removed. By you. Before she sees it. God help her when she gets to school.
• peppers and hummus (OKAY THIS IS GREAT!!!!!_
• hashbrowns (this is new - husband made them, she ate. I was astonished)
• Fried Egg Yolk (the yolks only - no white). That's very odd.
• Yogurt (if it looks like a dessert - recently the unhealthy TRIX yogurt comes to mind). Sometimes my husband can trick her and get her to eat Greek Yogurt with some granola
• Corn on the Cob
• Noodles with Pasta sauce with no chunks or green flecks, or onions
• Green Beans (so she says)
• Pancakes or Waffles with butter all over it. Preferably with chocolate chips in them
• Eggo mini waffles  or mini pancakes (yeah!!!!)
• Trader Joe Pancake Ball things
• Butter (she will eat the stick)
• Guacamole
• Make your own tacos (which means no meat, beans - but she will have sour cream, black olives, guacamole, some salsa)
• The Orange Rice from Jose's here in our hood
• Bacon
• Goldfish crackers and chips
• Snacks of any kind
• Bars (like a power bar or some sort of sweet fun bar that you buy at the store)
• Slim Jims (gross) - I want to disclose I did NOT give her her first Slim Jim. Yuck.
• Most fruit by the pound
• Cookies
• Cakes
• Ice Cream
• Dessert of any kind
• She will move mountains in order to have dessert (and dessert in our house is like Apple Sauce - but if I call it dessert - she responds)

C - eats anything. She is almost 2. We have no issues. It's wonderful. She's the third child. 

See… the whole food problem I like to think is not my fault. All kids are like this, right? All kids are this picky??? Do other families get in huge arguments at dinner? I can't even tell you how many times someone has gone away from the dinner table screaming. Sometimes… it's me. Not gonna lie. Girl B grew up with major food issues. She was allergic to soy, dairy and corn for the first 3 years for her life. She had never had a Cheerios. For her second birthday, we couldn't have cake. She had natural applesauce with a "2" candle in it. Sad and pathetic. She would get so sick after a relapse that she would have blowouts about 10 times a day. Poor kid. We finally took her to a holistic doctor after our Childrens GI doc wanted to cut her open and do an exploratory surgery. Bottom line is she gave her some sort of spray and it cured her but every since then, she is obsessed with sweets (possibly since we gave her Vanilla Rice Milk as her milk after she went off hypoallergenic formula and when we cut her off of that, she needed sweets immediately - thus her love for anything sweet) and is just a horribly picky eater. Perhaps she was attacked by melted cheese when she was younger but her reaction to these foods is insane. Poor girl. Poor anyone who gets in the way of this rage. (Disclosure: Child B is the sweetest thing you can possibly imagine and I love her with all my heart- her personality might be exaggerated for this article to make a point about food - but she still has her moments!!!)

Back to my point of this post. Dinners became unbearable. My husband and I last year went to a "Love and Logic" seminar and they talked about dinners, They talked about mealtime and how you just need to NOT BE A SHORT ORDER COOK and if you don't like what is on the plate then the parent says "uh oh, I'm sorry, well dinner is over I hope you like what is for breakfast!!." Sounds very good and all, however when you kid is screaming and not eating and everyone is yelling, it becomes hard. We did implement the "if you don't' like, then I'm sorry the kitchen is closed" way of life. You just need to make sure you make something that you are pretty sure is a) healthy b) they have a chance in Hell of liking. Seems to be doing better on that front. But what was hard, was the waiting. The MAKING THE CHILD FINISH THE DINNER. Well we don't make them finish, but if I went to the trouble of making this dinner (and I take into consideration their pickiness and the foods that they like when I make them) then you need to show me the respect and eat something. I refuse to throw out another entire meal. You don't need to eat it all. Usually it's "three bites to be polite". That works. Sometimes Girl A says "can I take 7 because I'm 7?". Sure… go ahead. 

We needed to make other changes once we were at a stand off when it came to the end of the dinner. One kid was finished, the other was not eating anything. Someone told me about this timer. They used it for computer time, dinner time, play time, and just about any other time. It works great! 

We implemented it a few weeks ago and man… it really is great. Kid A told me that she has one on her wall at school. It's a visual showing of how much time we have left. When Kid B refuses to eat, I know she will respond to the timer. She knows that once this timer goes off, her plate will go away and we will be done with dinner. The first time we used it, I set the timer for 25 minutes…. she sat like that picture above staring at her food and we waited. No one in the family can get up. We stay and show respect. Now Kid A had wanted a special dessert that night and I said okay. I told B that if she "finished" her meal (meaning took 4 big bites of each food) she would be able to be done and could partake in our dessert fest. Our pediatrician says they won't starve. A 4 year old who has 4 large bites of each food on the plate will be fine. First night - she didn't eat. Crying. Screaming. Was eventually taken upstairs throwing herself around the room. The second night… she started to eat. But the key is NO REACTION FROM THE PARENTS. You tell them once and then again and then that's it. I can't tell you how many times myself or my husband would yell "KEEP EATING!!!!!!!!". It was so stressful. Slowly the stress is going away. She still is not eating tons. The problem with her pickiness is not going away but at least we have a system. By the way, I had to let go personally about the fact that I feel bad that no one likes my food or that I'm wasting food by throwing it away - we save as much as we can but there are only so many days of leftovers I can handle. 

So far: I am no longer a short order cook and I no longer yell at dinner.  Usually about 5-10 min into dinner, we set the timer for 20 minutes. That is plenty of time. We are not slow eaters by any means so I didn't think I would need more. Some families need 45. I don't have that kind of patience considering Baby C is probably climbing out of her highchair at about 15 minutes.

Here is a picture of the Time Timer. We have the one with the handle. I love it. It is very sturdy and has a protected face on the front. Kid proof. It stays by the computer too which helps me with having them take turns on the keyboard. 

If you are looking for a time management solution, this might be your solution!!! Kids think it's fun and it's mom friendly. There even seems to be an iPhone app!!!!! Give it a try! Or come over to my house and witness "the dinner" but don't try and get up during the middle of your meal or your food will walk away from the table!! (another wonderful tip!!)

By the way, if you have any tricks that you use (such as the plate walking away or the timer) please feel free to share them with me. I struggle every day!!!!!

Happy Baby Thoughts :)

R

http://www.timetimer.com

Milk Truck Working Mama - Guest Post

Guest Post by BabyGearMama's partner in crime & BFF- MilkTruckMama Erica

*Disclaimer: These are my reflections on breastfeeding and being a working mother. In no way am I trying to condemn anyone for making another decision, but in order to write this blog I need to be honest and tell you like it is from my perspective.***

I am sitting here at work just having finished one of many pumping sessions. They say breastfeeding is easy, well I am here to tell you that whomever said that was either crazy, or a liar! Ok, not really a liar, but let me tell you the rest of the story. The true story of a working, breastfeeding mother.

I worked very hard to establish my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter, as I had HELLP syndrome and my dear daughter was born 6 weeks early. That is a whole other story, but just to bring you up to speed, my daughter started off purely on formula and we transitioned through nursing and supplementing to just nursing. I am not one of those moms who condemns formula or formula-feeding mothers. Formula saved my little girl’s life as I was unable to feed her. I think each mom (or dad) should get to choose what is best for them, weighing all of the information. For me, it was really important to nurse. It was what I had planned on, what I had envisioned, and I can tell you that NOTHING else about my delivery was anything that I had planned for or expected, so I tried really hard.  I wanted to control something, so I did everything I could to breastfeed my baby. I met with the lactation consultant, read books and went to every breastfeeding support group I could. After about 2 months I had finally done it…I could say my daughter was exclusively breastfed.

I mean that. Breastfeeding is real work. In the beginning I was exhausted all of the time.  I literally got out of bed only to take my daughter out of her Pack n Play to change her, feed her, and then lay her back down. My mom brought me food in my bed. I rarely left my room. I can’t tell you whether that is because I was so ill and healing (I think that this was at least a contributing factor), or if it was just normal nursing exhaustion, or just normal mom exhaustion. I am positive those formula-feeding moms are exhausted in the beginning too!

Breastfeeding is easy? I’m not sure about that. Sure, when I’m home on the weekends it’s much more convenient. I don’t have to make or clean any bottles, I can feed baby whenever she is hungry, if she needs more to eat I can give her more, assuming that I’m drinking like a gallon of water a day and eating an extra 500 calories more than I normally should that is. As any new mom can attest to, remembering to eat can be excruciatingly difficult, not to mention I can promise you when I have to choose between eat and sleep, sleep almost always wins. Oh yeah, sleep. See if you don’t sleep (ha, ha, ha…what new mom sleeps?) then your body doesn’t make milk as efficiently and effectively as it should.

If I don’t do those things and she wants more, it is terribly difficult, as I switch her back and forth from one side to another waiting for the extra ounce to “let down” and feed her what she needs. Not to mention trying to figure out how to hold your little one so that he or she can latch in the beginning is all but intuitive. But even all the exhaustion and pain (sometimes literal when baby decides to tug and pull and even bite you with her vice grip-like jaws) has got nothing on pumping. But it is easy at times. When I take my daughter somewhere I rarely think about whether or not she needs to eat. I know if she gets hungry then I will just feed her. No worry of not having enough bottles packed, or heating up the bottle…in that way, breastfeeding is easier.  But sometimes, it is not easier.

After a rough start and a second surgery this summer I got a visit from someone. That’s right everyone’s favorite aunt came back to town after 4 months. I thought that was one of the benefits of breastfeeding, but for me, alas Aunt Flo came back and she stole my milk. I had worked so hard to wean my little girl off of formula and to get her to breastfeed exclusively and now hormones had dealt me a blow. Now when I was home in the summer it wasn’t much of an issue. I could make just enough milk to keep her satisfied. Once I went back to work, however, things changed. The pump is not nearly as effective as a baby, and I was starting to pump short every day and go through the stash I had worked so hard to create. So I had to call my doctor, begging, for the one thing I thought might help—Reglan. Yes, I have low prolactin levels so I have to take medicine in order to keep my supply up. It is not the breastfeeding that I envisioned, but it’s still breastfeeding.

See, I work. That’s right, I work outside the home. I know some of you right now are thinking if I really loved my daughter I would stay home, but unfortunately that’s not a reality for me right now, although I long for the day that I can stay at home. Because I choose to continue breastfeeding my daughter, while working, I get to experience the joys of pumping.

My pump and I have a love-hate relationship. I love my pump because it allows me to give my daughter a little something of me while I am away from her at work. I love that I can pass on my immunities so she doesn’t get sick when I come down with that nasty cold from the kid in my class. I love that she knows I’m there and caring for her when I am not physically present. *

What I don’t love is waking up 20 minutes early to make sure that I can pump an extra bottle since yesterday I didn’t make enough milk to cover for the day. What I don’t love is sitting at my desk, breasts pinched into small tubes, watching them move in and out, thinking about missing my daughter, yearning for just another ounce, another drop of milk to fill the bottle. I don’t love that instead of being able to do work during my planning periods, I am pinned to my desk trying to tell my body to make more milk by pumping yet again. Pumping moms also have this fear that they will run out of milk, so I try and try to build extra milk to “stash” in the freezer (in case the war pops off I guess?) I don’t know why, but it is a real fear. My least favorite part of the day…when traffic is horrible and they can’t hold my daughter off from eating that 4:30/5:00 feeding because then I have to go home, look at my daughter, and pump yet again to tell my body that it needs to make more milk. The more I think about it, the more I stress about it and the cycle continues.

Something else that isn’t the best…traveling without baby! Picture this, you’re in Las Vegas, baby is safe at home with daddy…relaxing, right? Wrong! You see I had to wake up at 1am every night for five days before I left to try to pump enough milk to keep baby fed for the days I was gone. I had already gone through my first stash when I had surgery, so I had to stock up, and fast! Try feeding a baby and trying to create a stash in less than a week…that my friends is stressful! Giving her formula wasn’t something I was necessarily strongly against; I just knew she wasn’t going to like it. She had become accustomed to mommy milk. Once I was in Vegas for the conference I had to continue to pump every 2-3 hours to keep my supply up so I could continue to feed her when I got home. See my milk was starting to decrease so I had to make sure I could maintain it for when I returned to my sweet little girl. Not to mention that the assholes at the Riviera Hotel wouldn’t let me pump anywhere but the bathroom lounge. That wasn’t at all disgusting and degrading! But I had to do it. The good news is, when I returned (through security) I had 90 ounces of breast milk with me, so I had re-established quite a stash for the freezer. This ended up being a good thing since my husband used every single bag of milk that was in the house while I was gone.

But I know that this is all just temporary. Soon she will wean and I will miss the nursing sessions when she wraps her little hand around my thumb while she’s eating. I will miss when she is scared and needs reassurance and all I have to do is nurse her to tell her that everything is going to be ok. I will miss the times, snuggled into our glider, listening to her sweet little suckling sounds. Soon it will all be over…so I keep pumping. Off to drink another 32 ounces (and take my Reglan)! Thanks for reading.

Life on the Other Side of the MommyFence

I like to talk. I've always liked to talk. Pretty much anyone can tell you that. But I don't talk as much as some people I have met. Especially in strange places..... like Target. I swear I am a magnet for people. It's probably because I make eye contact... or my kids are just too darn cute to ignore and people feel the need to tell me their life stories. I was in Target yesterday in of course the best place on earth to strike up a conversation; The Sippy Cup Aisle. I can't tell you how many trips I've spent staring at sippy cups. We have had HUNDREDS of cups over the years. Yesterday, I met a woman who had a little child... probably about 10 months old so of course they decided to go to Target to get a sippy cup. She was nicely dressed. I looked like a hobo - seriously, a real hobo. Hadn't showered, wearing some sort of workout pants. Thank goodness I was wearing a bra. My hair was a big mess. I had on sunglasses. And not the good kind. I could tell right off the bat, that she was one of "those moms". She worked. OUTSIDE THE HOME. Can you believe it??? The nerve of her to go outside her home and put her child in daycare. I'm kidding of course. I have the utmost respect for mothers who work outside of their home but that is for another paragraph.

This woman was carefully looking at all of the labels on the cups. Checking prices and looking at the back for hopefully some sort of magic button to say "buy me" or "this won't leak". Then it hit me... she's going to talk to me. My youngest bean was trying to crawl out of the cart and had of course her sippy cup with her... a boring Playtex normal bottle with the normal annoying plastic insert in it. This woman looks at me and says "Do you like those bottles?". I said "yep, we do. I've tried them all and we keep going back to these. They are insulated (if you really can have an actually insulated sippy cup) and they don't leak which I like. She has been using them for a while." And of course for those of you who are wondering, we do use those Playtex annoying cups with the insert. We replace them every once in a while or when I forget to take them out of the van and there is coagulated milk in there and starts to smell to high heaven... but yes, I like them. "We get the ones with the handles on them first... probably those would be better for your little one" I say to her.  She pauses and replies, "Oh... do you get to stay home with your kids???" My first thought was pinned on the word "GET" but I replied "yes, I do stay home with my three kids"... I do not have a job outside of running my own Fortune 500 company within the walls of my house....I could tell she was having a bad day. She was all dressed up, her kid looks like she was crying, she might have been crying. She said that she recently went back to work, but had to take the day off because her little one had an ear infection... her 3 year old was at day care. I felt kind of sad for her. Then she says "oh, I really wish I could stay home, it would be just so much easier and I would get much more stuff done. It would be great. All I want to do is stay home but I have to go back to work." Now don't get me wrong, I am very blessed to be able to have the option to stay home. Perhaps this woman does not have that luxury. I could tell in her eyes that for her, this is what she had to do. Now it was kinda awkward at this point. Luckily my littlest bean had to try and throw her body outside the cart because she dropped her cup and Power Bar (no judging please, she is my third) so I decided to move onto the next aisle after I said something nice to her and we parted ways. Then I started to think..........this lady thinks that staying home is easier. Wow, that's insane. And maybe in her situation, she is right. Maybe it was easier for her to stay home than to do what she does, which who knows what that is. Then I started to think about what my life would be like if I had kept that job as an insurance underwriter 7 years ago. Would I have as many kids? Would I be happy? I got home and put the bean to bed and looked at my kitchen. Wow, looks like a bomb went off. Wonder if that lady's kitchen looks like this. It probably doesn't. It's probably perfect.

I always knew I would stay home once I had kids. I told the company I worked for that I was coming back after my maternity leave, but I really knew that I wasn't (sorry guys if you are reading this - I lied - and I knew it). I made it less than 4 hours after the first day of day care and gave my notice.  I was done. I couldn't do it. My husband wanted me to make it a week but of course I didn't. I worked three weeks and it was the worst three weeks of my life. But sometimes, I think about how AWESOME it would be to be able to step outside my mommy-body and do the job that I used to love doing. I would actually get a MENTAL BREAK. I could use the brain that I was given for something other than cleaning up after my kids, making meals, figuring out how to fix the Rainbow Loom after its been dropped a few times, find that Go Go My Walking Pup that literally walked away (true story), or get a stain out of a shirt. I wouldn't feel like my four years of a very expensive college education went to waste. I would talk to people about something other than poop for a few hours. How great would that be??????? A day without poop. I would have to re-learn the word "bathroom" because I swear I now always refer to it as "potty". Even when I go out with my husband, I excuse myself to "go potty". Sounds like heaven right about now as my children are pulling on me and demanding things from me... ALL... DAY.... LONG... WITH...NO... END...IN...SIGHT..  oh I really wish I could have a job outside the home and talk to adults and do adult things and not sing My Little Pony songs all day long. If only that were true. A friend of mine just put her last kid in first grade and just took an unexpected job as a librarian at our elementary school. Wow how I envy her. She gets to think. And help kids learn about reading. And most of the kids are not her own. Score.

If I worked outside the home, this would be my life:

• my kitchen would be spotless because there are no children home to mess it up
• my laundry would be done because i would have a cleaning lady to clean my house so i would have time to do the laundry
• i would only say the word poop twice a day. Once before work and once after work.
• i would use the word "bathroom" instead of "potty"
• i would not feel like i want to jump off of a cliff sometimes when my children are acting up all day long and driving me insane
• i would have a better memory and not forget things all the time
• my husband and I would have a better relationship because we have things to talk about beside the children
• i would be more rested
• i would be less stressed
• i would not have sticky floor
• i would feel like i am not just a mom-machine. A uterus used for breeding. i would have a place in society and i would be giving back. i would be important to someone else beside this tiny little army that i have created. i would be needed
• i would be a better mom, wife and friend

The woman I met at Target would probably think that this would be her life: 

• my kitchen would be clean because i would have tons of time to stay home and clean it
• my laundry would be done because i would be able to do it at home when i wanted
• i would work out every day and have a rock hard body b/c i could work out
• my kids would eat a home cooked meal every day and we would be more healthy because i had the time and the energy to cook great meals that i read about online
• i would spend quality time with my children and be able to nurture them and watch them grow and we would love every minute we spend together and just play puzzles and do bubbles and watch Dora. it would be so much fun.
• i would be more rested
• i would be less stressed
• my husband would appreciate what i do
• i would get everything done on my list and be a more productive person
• i would not feel rushed to get things done
• i would not be so tired when i get home at the end of the day and could spend time with my husband and my children all day long
• i would be a better mom, wife and friend

I pretty much think both of those lists are full of crap. Neither of them is really true. As someone who stays "at home" full time, I rarely get my list done, I rarely work out EVERY day, I rarely get the laundry all done, food cooked, kitchen clean. We don't eat that much healthier because I don't have to go to another job. This is just not true. I go through the same thing in the morning that mothers who leave the house to go to another job do - they still have to get kids on the bus and take kids to daycare and make lunches, pack bags, get kids dressed, fight about brushing hair, brushing teeth etc, but then I don't actually have to show up to another job. I'm here. At home. Some days are better than others. Some days I actually can GET stuff done however lately, it does not happen because having an almost 2yo in the house makes life a little more difficult. My "free time" turns into hours on end driving around the streets of my town... picking people up, dropping people off, mailing things, paying bills, going to doctors appointments, going to the grocery store. Some people may think that I have tons of time to myself to get my lists done, however when you look at the bottom line, when you add up the time I have no children in my care, I really only have about 24 minutes to do things that I want to do. I feel like I'm constantly in the car. I have three kids in three different schools with three different schedules. And what about that paperwork that is building up on my desk? When do we have time for that? I have no idea how people who work outside the home have time for that stuff. They go to work, come home and have to be super mommy.. they have to put on a happy mom smile and go on with their "other job" as mom...they are exhausted and worn out and the last thing they want to do is go online and sign up for things or call a company or pay a medical bill.

Some days I would love to just get in the car and go to work and drop off my kids at school or daycare or wherever but no. This is my life. It's exhausting and sometimes thankless. But I'm pretty sure the lady who is on the other end of the spectrum feels the same way about her job. Exhausting and thankless. She is not only a full time job holder person but also a full time mom as well. See... there are no such thing as Stay At Home Moms and Working Moms. We are all stay at home moms and we are all working moms. Do you really think that mom who has to go to work and take her child to day care actually STOPS being a mom? I guarantee that her mind is NEVER EVER EVER for a second, off of her children. When she is rating a policy or talking to a student or ringing up someone for a purchase, in the back of her head, she is thinking of her child. She is not really at work, she is really still with her child, wherever they may be. 

My BFF is a school teacher and a new mom. I must say this to her: I salute you. You are my hero. Luckily she has family to watch her little Doodlebug (but she will soon go to daycare) but wow... this just must be hard for her... and I'm learning slowly just how much it weighing down on her. She teaches all day with kids who are challenging her every second. She uses her brain to educate other people's children (she's a saint, right???). She works long and hard hours and then comes home and has to be super mommy. When I was in school, I really wanted to be a teacher. I LOOOOOVED the thought of that. I envy this woman for getting her Masters and being the best teacher she can be, but now she has a new role of being the best super hero teacher/mommy/wife/friend that she can be. I know it is taking a toll on her but she loves doing it and does it well. I'm pretty sure she looks out of her classroom and envisions a life with her Doodlebug... just the two of them swinging on a playground, not having to go to school each day and just spending time with her. They can cuddle each day and watch Dora. Maybe learn a new song or take a class together. Luckily, I'm pretty sure she doesn't think I stay home and eat bon bons and play with puzzles and bubbles all day (by the way I hate that analogy - do they actually still sell Bon Bons???). She knows that I don't lay down and sleep for 3 hours (well....I have done that before but not lately). She knows the challenges that I face and I in-turn know the challenges that she faces. Recently she told me about having to pump at work and the separation anxiety that her daughter is starting to feel. And the unimaginable guilt she feels in leaving her daughter. Will she walk when she is at work? Will she miss her first word? With both "types" of mothers.... there are pros and cons. I guess the hard part is finding what's best for your family and what will make YOU the better person.

As for me, I guess my place is at home for now. I'm trying every day to not give the SAHM a bad name and I try to make the best out of my days...except some days are much harder. I think my husband asked me the question (So what exactly did you do all day????) and I didn't talk to him for a week. I think now he realizes that you really can't get anything done at home with a 20m old child in the house unless she is unconscious. And the older children are not much easier as they are constantly into things, asking questions and being kids. My lovely little bean has this new very annoying habit of making me come sit next to her wherever she is and pulls on my arm constantly regardless if I'm in the bathroom, in the kitchen cooking, cleaning or just standing. She pulls on me and says "ca ca ca ca ca ca ca ca" until she is blue in the face which means "Come now or I will annoy you until you fall over". She is super sweet but I really need to get this girl to start using full words so we can communicate. Until then, I just need to realize that NOTHING WILL GET DONE but for now, that is okay. I look forward to the days where all my kids are out of diapers and can talk in full sentences and maybe then, I can be the SAHM that people think about in the stereotype. I look forward to the day where I really CAN sit on the couch and eat a whole container of ice cream and let my household run itself. Until then, we keep on doing what we are doing and keeping our kids alive.

The grass is always greener. But truthfully, I don't really think it is. You just think it is because being a mom - no matter what kind of mom - is pretty darn hard.

The Third Child

Wow. I believe it has been so long since I last posted. Things have been insane. It's already October. I last updated in August.

I managed to make it through the last few weeks of summer and Let. Me. Tell. You. That was hard. Kids are hot and tired and I'm just so ready for them to get back to school. We made a "fourth quarter" school switch for one of my kids so we ended up sending her two weeks late to her "new school". Good decision though but just getting caught up with paperwork and tomorrow is picture re-take which is for her. OOOOPs totally forgot. I hope we remember to brush her hair tomorrow. With three kids trying to get out the door, having teeth brushed and hair combed is very difficult. I have one kid on the bus in the early AM then both little ones need to be in the car and ready to drop off second, then off to speech for the second kid and on the way there, somehow I need to get the third one to school.

Today... I was reminded of what happens to your house once you add another child. You get a lot more lax. My kids had GOLDFISH for breakfast. Yep. Goldfish. And I was caught by another mom feeding the kids in their car seats one of those Costco Size Goldfish bins. The baby was drinking water on the way to school - we were running late from speech - and she totally threw up the water all over her outfit. Smelled not too nice. Soaked with water. Water came out the nose and the mouth and probably the ears! I pulled over on the side of the road, cars zipping buy, quick changed the baby and put on her "spare set" of clothes from her school bag. People were probably staring. Got her dried off, gave her the old 1-2 wipe from a baby wipe and she was good as new. Threw my car into the school parking lot and a friend of mine was running out with her "third child - I'm always late look" and started laughing...... because my door was open and both kids were eating out of a giant GoldFish box. She laughed and said "yep... I've done that. That your breakfast, girls???? Don't worry, I won't tell your dad."

Truthfully, I probably WOULD NOT have done that with my first child. I would have taken her home. Or actually I would not have given her an open bottle of Dasani at 20 months of age in her car seat. We would have had a nice sit down breakfast... got her in her nice Gymboree or Janie and Jack outfit with matching tights and hair bows and took her to school at least 10 minutes early. Poor mini bean... always getting the shaft. And of course I had to leave the middle one in the car because we were running late to dropping her off and she was having fun eating her giant box of GoldFish (don't worry mom, my friend stayed with her - I didn't leave her alone).

The things we do with the third child. Another thing is BEDTIME!!! Do you remember bedtime with your first child? I remember my good friend who has one son my oldest age, used to tell me it would take her at least 90 minutes to put her kid to bed at that age.... even for naps. You would pick out three or four or five books from their "age appropriate book box" that they have next to their rocker and rock them and read the books. Over and over. They would snuggle and sing. I remember doing that with my first. We had the best time.  With the second... it was a little different. It was less books because you were arguing with the first one to get into bed and brush her teeth and make sure she had underpants on and didn't go to bed naked.

Now.... onto the third. Poor mini bean. It's literally a 60 second process. I'm busy running in and out of kids rooms.. yelling about homework and reading charts and brushing teeth. The 7yo is refusing to brush her teeth and the 4yo can't find her pajamas. The baby bean is just staring at you crying because she can't get up onto the middle ones bed. You are PRAYING that your husband comes home.. but since he is not home now, you are PRAYING that he doesn't come home in the next 10 minutes because he will have UNDONE everything that you have just done in the last hour. The kids will scream and jump from their bed and try to jump the baby gate and get down to him. So.... to free a hand you put the youngest one down probably when she doesn't need it and kiss her goodnight. Tell her how wonderful she is and thank her for behaving. Off she goes into the crib and you cover her and close the door. Done. SIXTY SECONDS. That's it. Poor little one once again. I thank God every day that my third is so sweet. Sometimes I think she is going to look up at me and say "Mom.. don't worry, I got it. I'm just going to roll with it because you have your handful".

The third doesn't cry. Doesn't whine. Doesn't beg. Doesn't scream. She just goes with the flow and tries to make Mom's life a bit easier.

For now. Talk to me in 10 years when all my kids are in high school.

More later. Can't wait to share with you our DISNEY EXPERIENCE!!!!

:)R